Food & Wine

15 Fine-Dining Etiquette Rules You Should Know

Attending a formal dinner with friends or a business partner? Prepare yourself with this refresher on fine-dining etiquette.

By 

Jillian Dara

 |  December 5, 2024

Fine dining is an experience, or as Evan Hennessey, chef-owner of Stages at One Washington in New Hampshire, summarizes: “It is the difference between dining and eating.” 

At a casual restaurant, eating is a singular action, whereas a fine-dining restaurant appeals to the five senses with an expertly set ambiance that offers an immersive culinary journey. The pedigree of this atmosphere tends to attract sophisticated diners. It’s also a wonderful environment for impressing clients and business partners or celebrating special occasions and milestones. The formality of fine-dining establishments requires an unspoken etiquette for dinner guests to follow; abiding by this proper fine-dining etiquette can help diners create a good impression on their host or fellow dinner guests.

From calling the restaurant to inquire about dress code and allergies to paying and what to do with your napkin when you use the restroom, read on for a comprehensive guide to fine-dining etiquette.

In This Article

• Reservations
• Check the Dress Code
• Your Arrival
• Napkin Etiquette
• Respect Your Server
• Close Your Menu
• Which Plate to Use
• How to Pass Dishes at a Family-Style Meal
• Glassware Etiquette 
• Cutlery 101
• Taste Before Seasoning
• Keep Your Phone Off the Table
• Don’t Try to Clean Up
• Paying the Check
• Slow Down

15 Fine-Dining Etiquette Rules You Should Know

Reservations

Before you make a reservation, be sure you know what the concept and restaurant is all about, advises Randy Rucker, chef-owner of River Twice in Philadelphia. This includes communicating your dietary restrictions clearly at the time of your booking. “Do not wait until you sit down to speak up,” says Rucker, adding, “Don’t confuse ‘dislikes’ or past negative experiences with an allergy.” If you’re not the one making the reservation, still do your research prior to attending the reservation to ensure you aren’t showing up at a restaurant that can’t accommodate your dietary restrictions.

Check the Dress Code

Many fine-dining restaurants have a dress code that you can easily find on their website. For example, Le Bernardin by Eric Ripert, a three-Michelin-starred restaurant in New York City, advises: “Business casual. Jackets are recommended but not required. Athletic wear, loungewear, shorts, T-shirts, short sleeves, sneakers and flip-flops are not permitted.” If a dress code isn’t listed, you may want to call the restaurant and confirm their requirements. If you’re unable to confirm the dress code in advance, err on the side of caution and know that you can never be overdressed. At bare minimum, men should always wear a collared shirt and women should follow a casual elegant style sans jeans, sneakers, or baseball caps.

Your Arrival

Don’t be late; in fact, arrive early. “My number-one tip to first-timers is to show up 15 minutes early,” shares Jake Potashnick, owner and executive chef of Feld in Chicago. “Every restaurant loves a punctual guest!” Plus, the extra time gives you a buffer period in case you can’t find parking or can’t find the restaurant. Know that most fine-dining restaurants won’t seat you until your full party has arrived. If they do happen to seat you in advance, stand up when your guests arrive to greet them.

Napkin Etiquette

“When you sit down, please, for the love of God, place your napkin in your lap. Don’t leave it on the table for the duration of service,” says Rucker. After it’s in your lap, if you need to excuse yourself to use the restroom, don’t place your napkin in a pile on the table, says Hennessey. A crumpled napkin on the table signifies you’re done and you’ve left. Instead, “place it nicely on the seat of your chair, thus maintaining your place at the table,” says Hennessey. “A member of the guest service team will take it from there and have your place tidied up upon your return.”

Respect Your Server

Allow the server the time to present the menu and the restaurant’s concept and to help you navigate your dining experience. “They are your biggest ally when dining,” says Rucker. “Allow the service staff time to express what the course is, and don’t immediately say ‘Oh, what’s this?’ before they have a chance to explain.” 

Close Your Menu

After you’ve perused the menu and decided on your meal, close the menu so that waiters know you are ready to order. Closing your menu is a universal symbol that you’re ready to order. Your waiter won’t come over to take the table’s order until all party members close their menus.

Which Plate to Use

Use your side dish for bread service (it will be on the left). As the meal progresses, avoid pushing your dinner plate to the end of the table as if eating at a buffet, says Rucker. The server will clear the entire table once everyone has completed the course. 

On that note, “Don’t stack plates,” says Tia Polite, head sommelier of Indienne in Chicago. While it may seem helpful, it actually makes it more challenging for the service team to elegantly clear the table. Furthermore, keep your hands on your lap while the server is clearing, and avoid handing your plates to the server. “Servers are trained to clear efficiently and unobtrusively. Allow them to do their job without interrupting the flow of service,” says Craig Biggins, general manager and sommelier of OAK at Fourteenth in Boulder, Colorado. Remember: Food is served from the left and removed from the right.

How to Pass Dishes at a Family-Style Meal

If you’re at a restaurant that serves family style or you simply want to share a bite of your food with another guest, pass the plates from the left to the right. It is your responsibility to pass the dishes near you; don’t let a dish languish in front of you. 

Glassware Etiquette

Return your wine or water glass to its original position after each sip. “Glasses are placed in specific spots for a reason—usually to give servers enough space to gracefully serve your food. Help them out by keeping your glass where it started,” says Steven Redizkowski, chef-owner, OAK at Fourteenth. 

Just like the plates, there is no need to help the wine team by moving your glass or picking it up and holding it out for the sommelier to pour into, says Ben Chesna, wine and beverage director at The Banks Seafood and Steak in Boston. “We also have carefully crafted steps of service so there is no need to direct who to pour next. We place every glass in a specific position and serve all guests in consistent order. The host or guest of honor will start, and everyone else will receive the same service for the selected wines in a timely manner. We can reach every glass on the table, and it is actually more difficult to pour into a glass that someone is holding or shaking.” 

On that note: Keep your hands off the bulb (the bowl) of the glass when drinking: “This leads to a dirty glass and warms up the wine. Always try to hold your glass from the stem,” says Hugo Bensimon, beverage director at Grill 23 in Boston. Our extensive guides on how to taste wine and how to hold a Champagne glass give more guidance on this aspect of formal dining.

Cutlery 101

Some restaurants place all the cutlery for a multicourse meal at the start of service, while others present new cutlery for each course. If there are several forks and knives flanking your plate, start with the outermost fork and knife at your place setting and work from the outside in. The service staff will take the used cutlery, so you’ll work inward toward the plate with each course. Don’t use a steak knife for buttering your bread. And don’t use an oyster fork for any appetizer except an oyster (check out our guide for tips on how to eat oysters). 

Fine-dining etiquette follows the continental way of using forks and knives: Hold the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right hand. The most traditional format sees guests using their left hand to eat, but if you haven’t mastered that technique, you can discreetly set the knife down after cutting and switch the fork to your right hand to eat. If you choose this method, place the knife on the top right of your plate with the blade facing in while you enjoy your bite, says Alex Teisanu, VP of operations at Reserve Cut in New York City. 

Do not cut up your entire meal at once; fine-dining restaurants take pride in serving the best cuts of meat and seafood. Therefore, the best way to enjoy them is to cut a singular bite at a time. When you finish your meal, place the fork with the tines facing upward and the knife to its right with the blade facing toward the center. Angle both your utensils on the plate at a diagonal; if the plate were a clock, the fork tines and knife tip will point to 10 o’clock with their handles on 4 or 5 o’clock.

Taste Before Seasoning

“Resist the urge to ask for salt and pepper before trying your food,” says Biggins. “The chef has crafted the dish with a specific flavor profile in mind, and seasoning it prematurely might alter the intended experience.”

Keep Your Phone Off the Table

“Love taking photos of the food? That’s great! Just snap your shots quickly and avoid placing your phone directly on the table,” says Redizkowski. “It’s a small detail that keeps the overall dining aesthetic intact.” Don’t use the flash or a flashlight to illuminate your plate, because it can negatively impact other diners’ experiences. 

Don’t Try to Clean Up 

The servers and bussers have a crumber to clear the tablecloth between courses. Don’t brush breadcrumbs onto the floor, and don’t try to brush them into a pile on the table, as you’ll likely knock something over. If you drop a piece of food or a utensil on the floor, don’t try to bend under the table to pick it up; politely advise your server so they can quickly deal with it and ensure it isn’t in the way of service. 

Paying the Check

The checks at fine-dining restaurants have their own etiquette; whoever organizes the meal is usually the host and, therefore, the one who will pay for the meal. That individual should accept the folio from the server and gracefully place their credit card in it so that there’s no awkward period in which a guest may feel pressure about paying. The tip should be at least 20%. 

If you are with a group that has decided to split the bill in advance, be prepared with your credit cards. Try to keep the number of cards to a minimum; some restaurants will only split the bill on two or four cards. To avoid this type of situation, one person pays, and everyone else transfers their portion of the bill after. 

Slow Down 

Remember: “It’s not a race,” stresses Hennessey. “The pace is slower on purpose, and it is meant for a relaxing opportunity to spend time with the establishment and the other guests. Allow the restaurant to show you why you’re there. It is the difference between dining and eating.”

Share This Article